Surfacing

Just over five months ago, I fought to open my eyes and focus on the face of a young woman who was doing her best to explain what my immediate plans were for the afternoon.

Over the course of the next hour, I slowly came to the realization that I had been in an automobile accident. I say “realization” rather than “recollection” because, to this day, I have no memory of the collision. During that first hour of consciousness I had a number of thoughts.

I wonder . . . where the accident happened . . . where my car is . . . if anyone else had been hurt . . . whether or not I should cancel my 4 p.m. appointment . . . whether I am seriously injured.

During the second hour, I began to take inventory. At some point, that nice nurse had slipped my driver’s license and a little brochure from the police department in my left hand. My wallet was in my back pocket. I had all of my keys, except for the one to my car. My cell phone was on my belt and still working. And it was about that time that it occurred to me that I was alone – I was surrounded by strangers.

When I look back on that moment now, it seems pretty odd that I didn’t think to reach for my phone and call my wife. The phone worked, after all, and I knew her number. But making the call never made it to my list of options. Eventually, the nurse, in response to my anxiety, made the call.

People in conflict have moments like that, too. The immediate circumstances close in on them along with the distractions and worries that accompany disputes. And, even though they have the skills and the ability to handle conflict appropriately, they don’t.

Frustratingly, that’s true for me as well. It is difficult for me to properly deal with conflict in my own life. And that’s a little embarrassing to admit since I make my living helping others work through their conflicts. Yet, it doesn’t matter who you are, when the conflict is personal, surfacing to a place where you can respond appropriately is hard to do.

As you walk through each day and are confronted with challenges, remember to pause and allow yourself to surface. In almost every instance, the skills and opportunities for solutions and reconciliation are at your fingertips. And, if you still can’t quite reach them, don’t be afraid to ask someone else for help.